This ain't lust... this is love

Chasing Pavements by Adele

Hello blog. been a long time since the last entry. I wanted to stop writing here and just use my tumblr. I've fallen more in love with my camera and just wanted to bring it along with me all the time and just take pictures of people, of places, of minutes turned moments and of candid moments turned emotions turned stories worth sharing. Then again, I miss rambling. Somehow, babbling keeps me sane. It keeps me intact. It keeps me from eating people doing insane things.

So many things just happened recently. so many things. Well let me share to you, dear reader(s), the highlights of life in the last few weeks. So FONTANA WITH THE BLOCK. because what happens in 3130 stays in 3130, I am in no place to share the specifics of that night. Instead I shall share the things I learned. BACARDI 151 and WATER does not, will not and will never (not even in a million years) go together. Like water and fire, they don't mix. Another thing that does not blend well with these is a broken heart. Despite the things that happened, I love that night. Despite the 'thing' that I found out, I learned so much about myself. I pushed my limit and learned so much about myself. And yet again, I've proved that I have the best blog in the world.

Then, my sister went to subic. I felt bad. I felt incomplete and lost. yeah, yeah, I'm so cheesy. but really. I've never said this out loud but I never want to be an only child. THANK YOU GOD for giving me my not-so-little-little-sister-who-always-makes-kwento-about-interesting-stuff-when-i-get-to-an-interesting-part-of-a-good-book. This then reminds me to write my thoughts out about my sister.



Okay. This is me and my sister. Taken a few weeks ago at balay indang. (i shall write a blog entry about this wonderful place and link it here soon). Anyway, with everything that has happened recently, I learned to love my sister even more. and no she is not paying me to say these things I realized that whilst our relationship may not be perfect, it's perfect for us. And whilst I may not be the best sister in the world, she is the only sister I have and I to her. I remember being 3 and hating my mom for telling me that I'll be having a sister, a rival for their love. Now, looking back, I WANT TO RAISE THE MIDDLE FINGER AT MYSELF. damn, i'd miss so many things in life if I don't have her. This goes without saying that I love her and that I'll protect her no matter what. I may say that I hate her. I may even hurt her. PERO. AKO LANG ANG MAY KARAPATANG GUMAWA NUN. Nobody can hurt her. Not some 'older girl who's almost become a spinster', not some 'plastic lady who did everything she can to take her down', not some 'pretentious girl who made her believe that she has her', not even 'a barkada of girls who chose to believe the worst in her', and lastly, not even those 'who pretended that they care'. This is not a threat nor is this a warning. It's a fact. I am her sister. And I KNOW what you have been doing. And to you my dearest sister, KEEP CALM, you have me.

In other news. SUMMER SCHOOL STARTED. Herebelow is my schedule. (yes if you want to stalk me.)

As you can see, my classes begin at 1:30pm and end at 6 in the evening. 4.5 hours of straight classes. Good thing is, I get to sleep a lot. OH. i'm pretty sure my circadian rhythm's ruined like @-) I sleep at 2? 3? and wake up at 1030?11? how bum can I get? needless to say, bruno mars's the lazy song. Another good thing with my schedule is I get to stay in an airconditioned room for my first two classes. Notice how its the same classroom and when I have to change rooms, it's already cool since it's already 430. SUCKY thing is. I MISS MY BLOCKMATES. I miss eating lunch with them, telling jokes and pick-up lines, sharing stories about everything everyone saw. I miss them. To this problem, I decided to go to school a few minutes earlier this week. Well, I feel like it's better. but still. I MISS THEM.

The story behind this schedule is because I wanted to take spanish FLC. and avoid damon and stefan This then leads me to the greatest learning so far. I learned to love myself. evern more. I learned so much about myself. I realized how much I love photography. I'm no expert but I love taking photographs. Oooh. just for mentioning, I love my psych class. It's the one class that I don't have fellow health sci students with me. but. I LOVE IT. I'm learning so much. I started to understand people even more and just see where they're coming from. pysch's love.

Oh. spanish FLC just makes me even more excited for the spain trip this august. I so wanna go now. HEEHEE.

Balma's surprise also happened last friday. exactly a week from today. or rather 30 minutes ago. It was a fun night. You know how when you're intoxicated, you realize things easily? I had one of those episodes and realized that I am far too young to experience life in a blast. I love how I can actually experience life one step at a time. I am a teenager eager to live life to the fullest. I am confused with many things. And yet mega sure about others. For starters, I AM QUITE SURE THAT I WILL BE A DOCTOR, a medical doctor 8-9years from now. For now, many things bother me but I choose to concentrate on the things I know and quite sure of. I have many questions unanswered. But maybe, it's better left unanswered, for now. If it's meant for me, I will find out. Naturally, on its own time, everything will be revealed.

And you. I want you to know that it has and will always be you. i didn't plan for it to happen. but it did. but because it's all complicated now, i wish 'it' didn't happen. i wish everything would just go back to the way it was. happy and fun and carefree. this is pathetic and desperate. but i wanted you to know. because you deserve to know. and i need to forget. For the nth time, I am attempting to forget you. This time, I will not forget you, instead, I shall let you go. after all, we are far too young to worry about this.

Last week, in psych class, we were taught that in order to forget, one must feel everything once again. Feel the emotions bounded and be able to overcome these emotions until everything is neutral again. To forget, one must take out the meaning from things and objects. To neutralizing and devaluing things. CHEERS.

Funny how I ended up writing all these. I've written down things I only thought of and never really had enough courage to actually say them. The brain truly is a magnificent thing. With all these being said, I shall end this entry. My clock says its 12:47am. until the next entry.

No Regrets Just Love.