You can be my hero if only I can let go

Broken Arrow by Pixie Lott

8th going 9th day into the summer break. I haven't really had any summer vacay yet. I wish I'd get to go to some place where there's sun, sand and sea. I wanna lay under the sun, fall asleep and wake up all dark and brown. I just really want to do that. I wanna get all sun-burned.

Grades were out yesterday. I got B in both Eco102 and Psych101, not bad for someone who didn't 'read'. I got B+ in spanish. Just wish I got an A there though. But, nevermind, I'm happy.

UNDERSTANDING.


All the time, this is what I've been trying to do. To understand lessons, people, people's mannerisms, how they react, WHY they have that reaction. Somehow, well, even as a kid, I never got satisfied with plain, point-blank answers to my questions. I was the HOW and WHY asker, the WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN are mere jigsaw pieces that when put together reveal a secret message hidden beneath.

So, all my life, I've been understanding things. Well, I think, to put this into perspective. If there are 6 billion people out there, each person (out of the six billion) tries to understand his own life. 6 mentalities trying to understand, simplify the complications of life. The intricacy of the human life. It's quite unfair if one just ends up ranting about his/her own worries where there are people battling far more uglier issues. It's kinda shallow to be talking about loosing nonexistent weight when there are people who barely eat.

Then again, human nature. Man is selfish. The me, myself and I mentality prevails before any other morally rooted mentally surfaces. So, just how much worries can one person take. Just how much understanding can one handle? Just how much understanding can one do before he/she loses it all?

In my case, just how much understanding can my heart handle? I mean, I've lived 18 years and can I just be selfish now and say that I've been faced with situations that 18-year olds do not get to faced with. My worries and fears and responsibilities were not that of a regular teenager. But, I didn't complain. I faced them big shadows, head on, gameface on.

That's just life. We continue to fight. Even if it's almost the losing point, continue fighting.

Then again. I just need a break. I NEED A BREAK. People, I am also human. I know I chose this life. But please, don't make this harder than it already is. I know I'm not perfect. So if you have a problem with me, don't go unfriending just like that and ignoring me because you're undergoing some rough time. because believe it or not may feelings din ako. Doing this now may just worsen things pero seriously I don't know how to communicate with you anymore. And somehow, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I KNOW AND WHAT YOU DID SUCKS. I can dedicate a whole blog entry as to why that sucked but that'll be settling this in the wrong way. I still want to talk you know.

For now, I'm still trying to understand. TRYING SO HARD. so close to giving up.
no regrets. just love.